9: 11 Ways to Develop a Strong Community for Better Health

Michael Kummer: You're listening to the Primal Shift Podcast. I'm your host Michael Kummer and my goal is to help you achieve optimal health by bridging the gap between ancestral living and the demands of modern society. Get ready to unlock the transformative power of nature as the ultimate biohack, revolutionizing your health and reconnecting you with your primal self.

All right, welcome back to another episode of the Primal Shift podcast. Now in this episode, I want to talk about something that I believe is It's incredibly underappreciated and often overlooked as one important aspect of maintaining optimal health, in particular mental health. And that is tribalism, belonging, and just being part of a community.

So in this episode, we're going to cover, you know, why it's important to be part of a community, why a sense of belonging is important for our mental health, for our physical health. I'm going to share with you some examples where we discovered that. We can't do it ourselves and we need help. And I'm going to share with you 11 tips and tricks that we found useful to either be part of a community, make the transition into community easier, to find new communities or to build your own community if there isn't one.

And there was actually one very good example I'm going to share with you at the end. Just very recently we rediscovered, well, there isn't a community, so maybe we have to start one, you know, and so, you know, let's get right to it, but to really, you know, set the stage and to help you appreciate more the importance of tribalism and, and belonging and community, you know, according to the National Alliance of Mental Health, One in five adults in the United States has suffered from a mental illness.

I think it was in 2020 or 2021. And 12 million people in the same time frame have seriously considered suicide. And that's sad and unbelievable because if you think about it, most of us have a good life, you know, we have food, we have shelter, we have really most of the things or all of the things that we need to live a happy life, yet, you know, a lot of us suffer from anxiety and depression and other mental ailments that I wonder, you know, where do they come from and what can you do about it?

And of course there are a Several factors that influence your mental health, you know, nutrition, sleep, and all of the other things we either already discovered or discussed as part of the podcast, or that we will in the next couple of episodes. But one thing that's, that nobody talks about, a very few people talk about is the community aspect.

Humans have evolved. It's part of a community, you know, we weren't individuals that were out by ourselves, hunting and gathering and, and raising kids and all of that. None of that would have happened. And none of that works unless you're part of a community where you have people who can help you, people that you can help.

And unfortunately, especially over the last couple of years, you know, we've become significantly more focused on our individual needs. And, you know, of course the pandemic hasn't really helped to bring people together, quite the opposite. In many cases, you know, physical separation was the norm, but also just from an, you know, ideological perspective, you know, you either were in camp one or in camp two and there was nothing in between.

And so if you are on the other side and I'm not going to talk to you, in fact, we've lost, you know, friends or stopped having contact with them because we just couldn't get on the same page as far as. You know, how we should be living our lives during the last couple of years. And so a lot of that has resulted in, you know, those mental ailments and the thoughts of suicide, et cetera.

And, and that's sad. And I think it doesn't have to be that way. And there are two things that, where we discovered really that we can't do it ourselves. You know, I am very much someone, you know, who likes to get things done and if I don't get help immediately or if someone doesn't do their job the way I want to, I'd rather do it myself.

So I, you know, I always felt for most of my life, I don't need anyone else. But when we moved to the US, when I met my wife, when we had our two kids, you know, we realized that with my family being in Austria, with my wife's family being in Costa Rica, we have nobody, you know, if we wanted to go on a date, we had to You know, pay someone who don't, we don't even know, to take care of our kids.

If we needed to, you know, do anything that where we couldn't bring the kids, we needed someone. And so that was the first time in our lives, really, where we realized we are not meant to parent ourselves, by ourselves, basically. And be with the kids, you know, be responsible for our kids. If you think back, you know, our ancestors, you know, they lived in tribes, in huge communities, they even, you know, sometimes, you know, if, if one mother has had issues, you know, nursing the baby, you know, someone else would jump in and, and nurse the baby, you know, on, on the second breast, you know, if they, if they had a baby themselves.

And so, you know, all of those concepts that, you know, it's only you, you have to take care of your kids and only you, you have to take care of, you know, certain things, uh, regarding parenting. That's not. That's not in line with human evolution, you know, we've always had a community to help, to do things, to take the load off our plates, to jump in when we had to, and these days we don't, we don't have that, but we realize that in particular when it comes to parenting and raising kids, you know, we needed help, we need help, and so that was the one realization.

And the second big realization was when we started raising livestock to, you know, produce some of the food that we eat. We realized that, you know, you cannot be a farmer while having a day job and, and do everything by yourself. You need help. We needed help. You know, we already need help on our small homestead here.

We just have over an acre and we, we just bought acreage, you know, to expand our homesteading operation, to raise, you know, beef cattle and dairy cows and pigs and all of those things. And we realized. Between my wife and I and the kids, we can't do it ourselves. We need help to make this work. If we want to live a, not a primal life per se, or an ancestral life where we would be running around in loincloths, et cetera.

But if we want to bring some of that back, because it's better for our health and well being, both mentally and physically, we need help, you know? And so that was the second realization that really made me think about, okay, how can we Counter some of that individualism and some of that, you know, thinking that I have to, that is not very conducive to building community.

You know, just to give you one example, you know, if I meet someone new, you know, I immediately put them into a category and then it's up to them in from where I stand, you know, to, for them to dig themselves out of the category and to prove me wrong, to proving I was, you know. So if, you know, if someone comes to me and says, Hey.

You know, I'm doing meatless Monday now. The first thing that pops into my head is you're an idiot, you know? And that's not good, obviously, because that's not conducive to building community and, you know, and then I think back in 2015 when the WHO study came out that, you know, meat causes cancer, which, you know, is BS, obviously.

You know, we were actually thinking about doing meatless Mondays and I'm like, okay, you know, that person is not an idiot. That person is just, you know, know, has a certain set of knowledge and experience that made them believe or makes them believe that meatless Mondays are a good thing in this. And I was in the same shoe.

So, you know, it's, but I'm that person. And also for me, it's very difficult to get out of this, but I've realized over the last couple of years that It's not conducive to building community. And so I tried to think about, okay, what have I done? What have we done? Sometimes we failed. Sometimes we did a good job to kind of be part of, of a tribe to expand our tribe and to maybe create new community where there wasn't one.

And so one of the first things that. I really like doing is, is to find people that you can learn something from. I always gravitate towards people that know more than I do so I can learn something. And in return, I share what I learn. And I think that, you know, that giving and taking that learning and teaching is a very powerful community builder, you know, and it has worked in a particularly well for me when I, I, you know, like on this podcast, you know, I share what I know.

And I learn from others who know more about certain things in other areas. And if you find people where you can learn and teach in the same kind of relationship, that's incredibly powerful and very bonding, I think. And I have many friends that, you know, learn from me and I learn from them in areas that I don't know much about.

And so I always try to find those people that I can learn something from or that are willing to learn from me, you know, so that's number one. The second one is. to be okay with having different types of relationships with different people. And I very much like symbiotic relationships where I give them something and they give me something.

And that doesn't necessarily mean just because we exchange something that we both benefit from, that we are best friends and talk about our feelings, you know. Just to give you one example, you know, the bird that cleans the alligator's, you know, teeth. I'm sure those are not best buddies forever, you know.

They just, you know, the bird gets free food. and in return, the croc gets clean teeth. They both have a benefit, even though they probably couldn't care less about what the other one is thinking, feeling, or, you know, doing for the rest of the day. So, I think there is nothing wrong with having those symbiotic relationships because very often they can develop into more, but even if it doesn't, that's okay too.

As long as there is benefits on both sides, I think that's perfectly fine, and I always try to look for, you know, those symbiotic relationships. The other thing that I've noticed is, you know, whenever we talk to other people, especially people we don't know very well. We always tend to share, you know, the good stuff and to kind of, you know, make ourselves look better or perfect in some cases.

And I've noticed that sometimes it really helps to Share what doesn't work, what doesn't go well, and I don't want to be like, you know, the sad, the sad Susie, you know, and always, you know, bitch and complain about, but sometimes it's valuable if you want to build a, a solid relationship to share things that didn't go well, you know, just the other day.

We had friends over, very good friends, and, you know, and, and usually we talk about all the stuff that's going well, you know, at work, at blog, you know, the homestead, et cetera, and I said, okay, you know, this time I'm, I'm gonna honestly share that, you know, we realized that we suck at raising animals, not entirely true, but we've come to the realization that we've made so many mistakes and have so many inefficiencies and we do, Basically everything different than what we've done in the past.

And that's a beautiful learning experience. But the point is that, you know, sharing something that makes, that doesn't make you look good, sometimes, you know, sharing stuff that makes you look less than good or human, you know, is helpful for other people to appreciate that, you know, you are not, you know, perfect or you are not, you know, people sometimes think if they only see in our stuff on social media or on the blog or whatever, you know, Oh, they have it all figured out.

They know they have to, the animals, they. You know, the podcast and the blog and the supplements and everything is going well. No, life isn't perfect. You know, stuff doesn't go always well. In fact, there are a lot of things that don't go well. And, you know, that's also an opportunity to learn and for other people to appreciate that, you know, I'm just like everyone else, you know, I screw stuff up, I make stupid decisions.

And, and that really helps sometimes with, you know, the bonding experience and getting into a new tribe, especially if you're, you know, if you're the new guy. Another thing that will always stick in my head is I heard it for the first time from my childhood doctor when I was, I don't know, maybe six, seven years old or even younger.

And we went to this doctor and, you know, back in the days, someone with a white coat was like, you know, a godlike kind of, you know, thing, especially doctors, you know, they were held in very high regards. Don't, I don't hold them in that, you know, those high regards anymore, but back in the days, that was like the thing, you know, and, but that guy said.

I know that I know nothing. And I think that goes back to, I think it was Plato said that, the Greek philosopher. And that's sometimes very important to remember that regardless of how much you know, at the end of the day, you know, nothing, not really nothing, but there are a lot of things that you don't know.

And so being humble and being admitting things that you don't know can also help really build a tribe and also identify opportunities where you can learn from someone else or give them an opportunity to teach you. If there is something that you don't know, you know, but you have to mention it. You have to, you know, honestly share what you don't know, you know, finding common ground and don't looking for perfect.

You know, sometimes it's very easy to get wrapped up in saying, Oh, you know, I'm not gonna, you know, this is, I don't want to be, you know. associated with, with those people because they are not like me, you know, sometimes we are trying to find someone who is like a duplicate of ourselves, you know, and, and I don't think that's a good thing because A, it's an echo chamber, you know, if they're, if they have exactly the same opinion as you have, you're not going to learn anything new, you know, you, you.

stay where you are, and you just, you know, keep hearing the same things that you already think are true. So not very helpful. And, and so what I found is, if there is common ground with someone, who I might disagree on many other things, you know, that's often good enough to build a solid and respectful and trustful relationship with.

I have friends and business associates, believe it or not, who are vegan. You know, not something that I understand whatsoever, but I can appreciate at least that they are trying to do something good, even if it's misguided in my opinion, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm still friends with them or that we have a great business relationship because there are other things that we are on the same page on and sometimes that's enough to form a solid relationship, maybe a symbiotic relationship where you win.

And the other person wins, regardless of the differences you might have in, in some other areas, you know, some of our best friends are incredibly religious, which, you know, we are not, and that's, you know, not, not a problem. And some, you know, one good, one very good example is. When we raised our kids in the beginning, you know, we had a certain idea of how we want to parent and what's best for the baby.

And then my brother and his wife had kids and they did things differently. And I didn't necessarily agree with those things at the time, but now looking back, I think they did actually a better job than we did in nurturing. There are kids emotionally. So just because at a certain point in time, you think what someone else is doing is wrong, there might be a time in the future, in the near or in the far future, where you change your mind and then you are in that very same position and you agree with that.

So don't discount, you know, everything someone else is doing that you don't necessarily agree with. Shouldn't always be a reason to not be part of a community with those people. You know, ask questions and really try to understand why someone is doing things differently. Most people are good people, you know, there are few jerks that intentionally want to screw with you.

Most of the time, you know, be it in the vegan community or in other areas that I don't necessarily gravitate towards. You know, most of those people have the same goal, you know, we want to do better for the planet, for our health, for the animals, you know, I just take a different approach to that, and that's, that's okay, in my opinion, so unless someone is like a militant vegan, and I'm sorry to go back to this, you know, diet example, because those are some of the most contrasting issues that I deal with these days, You know, we still have the same goals.

And as long as someone is not militant about it, I'm not militant about it either. And we can still be friends and part of a community to improve our health, our wellbeing, and you know, our environment for that matter. But it's also okay if it doesn't work out, there's nothing wrong with parting ways.

I've parted ways with a lot of people over the past couple of years in particular. And some, in some cases, you know, we reconnected. After the dust had settled and we came to an agreement that we are actually not that far apart and we now, you know, believe in the same kind of thing. So just because it doesn't, something doesn't work out in a moment, doesn't mean that you have to be forever, you know, separated and never talk to that person again, you know?

Also, I, I, I like to think that if you give more than you take in a relationship, in a community, it has benefits. Obviously, don't let someone else, you know, take advantage of you, but it's always better to give a little more than what you take. And that's difficult, you know, if you're like me, who is not very aware of, you know, and not very, my, my, I guess my emotional intelligence is not where it, it could be or should be.

So I certainly sometimes suck at that, but I think just overall giving a little bit more than what you take is overall beneficial because you're gonna get it back at some point. I'm convinced of that. Online communities, I don't think are a great way to improve your mental and physical health. I recommend getting off your phone, getting off your computer, even if you're watching this right now, and especially getting off social media in some cases where the community is not conducive to bringing you forward and to bring you joy.

You know, I've You know, we are beekeepers and I joined a beekeeping group on Facebook and, you know, one of the, not to go into too much detail of that, but there was, you know, people tend to not take the time to try to understand what you're, what you're communicating and respond in a respectful and, and reasonable manner, you know, very often people, you know, have a two second attention span and just reply, whatever pops into their head first without thinking.

Not even, you know, making sense in what they're writing sometimes. And that is not really conducive to having a discussion or an argument about an issue where you might disagree. So I think, you know, face to face, if I meet someone, if I meet a, you know, let's say a vegan person again, you know, at Whole Foods and I have a discussion with them, I think that discussion would be significantly different than if we were to exchange comments on social media.

You know, simply because that we don't We feel like less responsible maybe or less, you know, we have less of an issue of just responding inflammatory and disrespectful and something that we would probably not do, not to the extent at least, if it was face to face. So I always recommend, you know, picking your online communities very carefully.

There are certainly good communities out there, you know, that we are part of in the homesteading and homeschooling area, but in other areas it's just not worth it and it's not the same as building community face to face. One thing that I'm boring from going back to, to agriculture and homesteading from the permaculture group is instead of seeing problems, see opportunities for a solution and how to give them a positive spin.

And I'm going to give you again, an, a farming example, you know, Bill Mollison. He's like the father of permaculture. You know, he said. You don't have a snail problem. You have a duck deficiency, meaning that if you have a garden and you have too many snails that eat all of your crops, you don't have a snail problem.

You just have a duck deficiency, meaning if you were to add more ducks, they would eat the snails and there is no problem. So it's an opportunity to see something positive. And I've started applying this mindset to community building and to tribalism. If there is a disagreement, if there is, you know, someone.

You know, who reaches out to me and says, Hey, you know, I am, you know, I'm, I'm not eating any meat, but you know, I have terrible gut issues. Um, what can I do in the past? I would have said, you're an idiot, you know, because what you're eating is causing your gut issues to stop eating what you're eating and eat meat and you'll be fine, you know.

But again, you know, that's not very helpful in, in building community and educating people. You know, if you see it as an opportunity to teach someone to share what you know, whether or not they take your advice, you know, it's a different story. You cannot, you know, force anyone to, to do what you think is best, but just seeing something in a positive light, thinking before you react, think about what is an opportunity for something positive to come out of this, of this problem, you know, and applying this, I think is very helpful in the realm of building community and.

And tribalism. And, and then the last thing is if there is no community that you can join, maybe it's time to start one. And I'm saying this because we just had this very problem, so to say, or the opportunity to find a solution recently. You know, we, we purchased some acreage in Northeast Georgia, Northwest Georgia, not too long ago, and our kids are homeschooled, you know.

And we are part of a, of several homeschooling unschooling communities that, you know, where we meet up, the kids get exposed to other kids that are at home, et cetera. And when we looked at the property, my wife started searching for homeschooling groups in that area. And there were none. And she's like, well, you know, there is, there is, there is no community, you know?

And I'm like, well, you know, maybe that's an opportunity. to start a community because I'm pretty sure there are other people in the same boat that live there that homeschool or unschool that would love to be part of a community but haven't taken the effort to to start one and so maybe it's up to us then to start that community and to start build a tribe you know rope in people who have shared interests and start building a community.

If there isn't one, if there is one, join it. If there isn't one, it's maybe up to you to start joining and start building that community. The bottom line here really is we all need community. We all need help. We cannot possibly do it ourselves. Even though our modern lives are so convenient where we can get almost everything.

You know, you, you, on your phone, you can get a delivery on the same day. You can get food delivered. There are a lot of things that you can do by yourself. But I think it's detrimental to your mental health, and ultimately to your physical health. Because if you're not healthy up there, your body is not gonna healthy either.

You know, those things are connected. And we have to realize that we are, we are tribal creatures. Always have been. For millions of years, we have lived in tribes. Even, you don't even have to go back millions of years. You know, my, my dad had 10 siblings, you know, and they are, you know, his parents had a lot of siblings.

We were always part of a huge group, not only with other humans, but with animals and, you know, with other creatures for that matter. And so that doesn't mean you should, you need to have 11 kids. Um, I'm glad that we only have two and that's, you know, I feel like that's enough, but there is something beautiful about having a large family.

And if you don't have a large family, have a large group of. Like minded people that might not all be your best friends, but if you can count on them to help you if you need help and they can count on you that you help them when they need it, it's a beautiful thing. It makes life so much easier and it keeps you sane up here and healthier in the long run.

That I'm convinced of and with that, we're going to wrap this episode up. If you like it, I would have said let me know in the comments, but there might not be comments, but you know, subscribe, follow, share. Rate, shoot me an email, my contact information is in the show notes. If you want anything in particular me talk about in a future episode, if if any criticism, anything good or bad, let me know.

I always love to hear feedback, and I hope I'll hear and see you in the next episode.